The train after Ichikawa-san got off at Kichijoji.
While looking out the window, I listened to the recording of 'Heijitsu' that we practiced together yesterday, over and over again.
*
『Heijitsu』
I left the house chased by the alarm clock
My leather shoes still barely on my feet
I dove into the classroom just as the chime rang
Everyone laughed at my bedhead
The waking up that was supposed to be gloomy, the train that was supposed to be cramped, the school that was supposed to be a hassle,
I wonder why?
A secret message running under the desk
I let out a "Huh?" and got scolded
Instead of me, who was called on in 4th period,
My stomach answered and they laughed again
The lessons that were supposed to be boring, the studying that was supposed to be difficult, the school that was supposed to be a hassle,
I wonder why?
On the way home, I let many trains pass by
Watching the sun set from the platform
On the train back, when I remembered today,
It's strange, it hurts a little bit
The walk home that was supposed to be troublesome, the train that was supposed to be cramped, the school that was supposed to be a hassle,
I wonder why?
Hey, I wonder why?
*
Just as I thought, something is missing.
What exactly is missing?
"Konuma-kun, what do you want to turn into music?"
Using Ichikawa-san's words as a clue, as I repeated it over and over, things slowly began to come into view.
The first thing I noticed was that the lyrics sounded completely different from when I first read them.
To be honest, when I read these lyrics after Azuma-san sent them to me just a week ago, I didn't even really know if they were good or not.
I was simply overwhelmed by the emotion that someone had written lyrics for a song I had composed.
But listening to it now, I think.
I probably didn't understand even half of the merit of these lyrics.
I thought these lyrics were just Azuma-san reinterpreting 'Daily Life is Good' and rewriting it in her Yuri-poem style.
Maybe that perception of the situation wasn't that far off.
However, I realized that there was a fundamental difference between the 'Daily Life is Good' I wrote and the 'Heijitsu' Azuma-san wrote, which wasn't about expressive ability or vocabulary.
It was the "real feeling."
It might be the same as the "intent" Azuma-san mentioned when she first read 'Daily Life is Good' in my notebook.
Anyway, the "emotions" poured into the music were overwhelmingly lacking in my song and lyrics.
And that makes sense.
Because when I wrote that song, I didn't think for a moment that 'Daily Life is Good.'
Every day was truly flat, and even when I went to school, I didn't particularly talk to anyone.
Connecting with someone surely meant parting ways eventually, and expecting something from someone surely meant being betrayed eventually.
Anyway, I was afraid.
I thought 'J-POP is something that gives thanks for the ordinary daily life' on the same level of understanding as 'J-POP is something that gives you wings.'
It hadn't even reached the level of whether such things become popular or are in demand.
My words, which simply thought 'that's just how it is,' were incomparable to Azuma-san's words, which were filled with real feeling.
And then.
Why did I notice that now?
"I told you, don't just wander off on your own!"
Because I was able to talk with Sako like usual.
"Would you be troubled if I asked you to date Erina?"
Because I went along with Erina-san's silly and mysterious plan.
"We're on good terms. After all, Konuma is a good guy."
Because I discussed secrets with Azuma-san.
"Morning to you too, Konuma. You guys really are close."r>Because I exchanged normal greetings with someone like Hazama, whom I'd had no involvement with before.
"I think I'm actually enjoying the walk home with Konuma-kun."
Because I'm connected through music with Ichikawa-san and walk home with her.
That kind of daily life is fun.
The silly words I scribbled down like a joke, 'Daily Life is Good,' have finally come back to me with warmth, texture, and a sense of reality.
What's lacking isn't Azuma-san's lyrics.
Azuma-san's lyrics exceed what I wanted to convey and have put my emotions into words.
What's lacking isn't Sako's bass.
Sako's smooth and accurate basslines are firmly supporting the song.
What's lacking isn't Ichikawa-san's singing.
There's a more fundamental reason why Ichikawa-san's singing doesn't surpass amane.
I see, so that was it.
I've realized the true nature of that sense of wrongness, of what was missing.
As I thought, it's the song I created.
The "real feeling" held by my song isn't catching up to Azuma-san's lyrics or Ichikawa-san's singing at all.
Ichikawa-san said this was a good song.
Sako said this song was the best.
But it's not enough. Not enough at all.
"We will soon be arriving at Ichika-cho Station."
The in-train announcement signals the arrival at the station nearest to my house.
"I'll make sure to put things like this into words properly."
The words Ichikawa-san said the day before yesterday flashed back.
Next is my turn.
Slipping through the opening train doors, I desperately moved my unathletic legs and hurried home.
Arriving home, I rushed into my room without even saying "I'm home."
I booted up my computer and launched the home recording software.
I connected my guitar to the computer through the audio interface. I put on my headphones.
What should I do? Should I put a completely different song to Azuma-san's lyrics?
No, that's not it.
"When you listen to a melody and put what you want to convey onto it, you have to think about what kind of words those will be."
Azuma-san said that.
These lyrics of Azuma-san's were made for this song.
Should I rearrange the second half to give it more depth?
No, that's not it either.
We're a three-piece band this time. We shouldn't do anything we can't show in a live performance.
"I'll add... a Grand Chorus."
'Heijitsu' is a song with a simple repeating structure: Verse A -> Chorus -> Verse A -> Chorus -> Verse A -> Chorus.
I should be able to add a Grand Chorus at the very end of this.
I ring the guitar. The chords are decided.
What about the drums? Is it okay for the rhythm here to be the same as before?
Through trial and error, I make it more dynamic, more dramatic, but without becoming too over-the-top.
I record while playing the electronic drums in my room.
After the drums, it's the bass. The bassline gradually solidifies. I apply a bit of the finger-picking phrase that Sako is good at.
I input the melody with the keyboard. Conscious of Ichikawa-san's vocal range and the pitch where it's easiest for emotions to ride, I carefully weave the notes one by one, making sure they don't sound mechanical.
By the time I finished inserting the new Grand Chorus into the original sound source, the sky was beginning to turn white.
I should have arrived home around 8 PM, so it seems it finally took about eight hours.
I exported the audio data and sent the URL to the 'Project amane-sama' upload folder.
In that moment, I felt a sudden, sharp hunger.
Taking off my headphones and looking at the entrance to the room, I saw curry on a tray and a small scrap of paper.
'Stupid shut-in Takkun. Yuzu.'
Seeing that scrap of paper, I gave a wry smile.
"I'm a loner, but I'm not a shut-in."
After muttering that, I corrected myself.
"...I'm not a loner anymore, either."