* * *
"You should just buy a smartphone tripod at a general store and head home."
Following Sako-san's advice, I headed toward the Loft in Kichijoji.
Crossing the pedestrian walk near the Tokyu Department Store, I passed the live house 'Planetary System'—the place where we performed recently, and where our upcoming Lock-on and disbandment live will take place. Turning left just past it and heading underground leads to the Loft.
The arcades, the buildings, the roadside trees, and even the songs playing somewhere in the distance—the city, now in December, had suddenly taken on a Christmas mood.
The closer I got to the Loft, the more intense those colors seemed to become, and I felt a bit of an upbeat restlessness. I’ve always quite liked the sparkling illuminations since I was little.
Perhaps it’s because my birthday is December 25th.
I don't go so far as to feel like the world is celebrating me, but it feels good to have the city's tension rise along with the approach of my own birthday.
Just as I was about to hum a Christmas song, I noticed there were a lot of couples around.
By association, I ended up remembering him, and I let out a sigh to chase the thought away.
The sigh exhaled into the winter air lingered as a white mist. It felt like my memories were about to be projected onto it like a screen, so I hurriedly waved my hands to brush them away.
To think I'd let go of something by my own will, only to remember it like this and wallow in convenient sentimentality.
I didn't say those things because I wanted a future like this.
"Ichikawa."
I thought I heard a hallucination, so I shook it off and walked a bit faster toward the store.
"I'm home."
I tossed a greeting into the empty house.
At 6:00 PM in December, it’s pitch black. After washing my hands and gargling, I went into my room. The light from the streetlamps along the road filtered in faintly.
"I guess I'll try filming something with the tripod I bought," I said, taking the tripod out of its bag.
Following the instructions on the package, I clipped my smartphone in and pointed the lens toward me.
Then, I picked up my acoustic guitar and sat down in front of it.
...Now then?
"...Eh, what am I supposed to do? With this?"
I thought I’d at least know how to use a smartphone's camera without asking anyone, but... how am I supposed to know if I'm even in the frame? If I can't see the screen, I won't know, right?
Does this mean I have to check the screen every single time and do test shots?
Thinking about it that way, aren't people who take selfies—wait, is it 'jidori'?—amazing? If they take it in one go, does that mean they always know the camera's angle of view?
The camera lens and the screen are on opposite sides, so that must be how it works, right?
I thought about asking someone tomorrow, but I'm the type who can't leave a question like this hanging.
"Let's see..."
I decided to try calling someone who seemed overwhelmingly knowledgeable about this kind of thing on LINE.
And then.
"...Yes?"
They finally picked up after four or five rings. The voice that was usually sweet sounded somewhat suspicious.
"Hello, this is Ichikawa Amane. Is this Yellowsea Erina-san's phone?"
"Yeah, that’s like, my line... I mean, did you really call Erina's phone? You called Erina? Amane-chan did? Why?"
"Why... because we're classmates?"
"Hah?"
She sounds rather cranky, doesn't she?
"Um... sorry, were you busy? Club activities?"
"No, club ended ages ago, and I'm just transferring trains right now, so it's not like I'm busy, but..."
"That's a relief... You see, there's something I wanted to ask..."
"If it's about Takuto-kun, I'm not giving him back, okay?"
"Eh?"
My mind went blank at the sudden mention of that name and the context.
Wait. Is Konuma-kun with Erina-chan...?
"No, I'm kidding... don't make a voice like that. Amane-chan really is Amane-chan..."
"W-What, it was a joke...!"
"I mean... if you're going to react like that when I say it...!"
Erina-chan's voice shifted from sounding apologetic to sounding angry, and then—
"...Well, fine. So, what is it?"
She sounded like she had given up.
"Ah, um... I was wondering how you do a smartphone selfie?"
"Hah? A selfie?"
"Y-Yeah... I want to record a video of myself on my phone, and I wanted to know the method..."
"...Amane-chan, are you really a high school girl? Also, what kind of video?"
"Eh? A video of me playing the guitar and singing..."
"Oh, I thought you were heading in some weird direction. Like having a secret account without a public one..."
"Hmm?"
"Never mind."
Cutting the topic short, she asked—
"Amane-chan, your house was in Kichijoji, right?"
"Ah, yes."
"Erina happens to be in Kichijoji right now. If you come to the station, I'll teach you."
A few minutes later, I arrived at the Kichijoji Station Park Exit.
"Sorry to keep you waiting!"
Erina-chan was leaning against a station pillar with her hands thrust into her blazer pockets. Somehow, that posture reminded me of Sako-san.
"Whatever. So? What's this about not knowing how to take a selfie? Erina has no idea what Amane-chan is talking about..."
"Yeah, that's it. I bought a tripod for my phone, you see. But when I put it on, I can't tell how I'm being filmed, right?"
I explained while attaching my phone to the tripod I brought just in case.
"Just use the in-camera. Eh, is that not what we're talking about?"
"In-camera?"
"Wait. You're lying, right? That's gross..."
"Gross!?"
What a terrible thing to say. Do I really deserve that just for not knowing what an 'in-camera' is?
"Open the camera."
"Ah, okay."
I unlocked my phone and tapped the camera app icon on the home screen.
"She's launching the camera from the camera app..."
"Eh?"
"...Whatever. Now, press here."
Following Erina-chan's instructions... I pressed a mark that looked like—what is this, reincarnation? And then.
"Whoa!"
I appeared on the screen!
"Your reaction is like a caveman... You know that's not cute anymore, right?"
"I'm not trying to be cute!?"
"I wonder..."
Erina-san narrowed her eyes and let out a long sigh.
Hmm, somehow.
I'm really grateful she waited and went out of her way to teach me, but...
"You're being harsher than usual, aren't you?" I accidentally let slip.
"Listen, Amane-chan."
Erina-chan looked at me with an unusually serious, cold gaze.
"Erina is slightly, significantly, very much pissed off at Amane-chan right now."
"...!"
I flinched, surprised by the knife thrust so straight at me.
"You hurt the people important to Erina... Sakosh, and Takuto-kun. Amane-chan, what exactly do you want to do?"
"That's..."
Even so, this is what I decided for myself.
I won't waver. I won't stray.
"...I realized that my current self isn't enough. That's why, even now, I'm doing this to become enough—"
"Is that that thing about view counts and stuff?"
"...Yes."
Apparently, she had heard the story from someone.
Actually, I don't remember telling the three of them the details that clearly... I guess there's no keeping secrets.
"Hmph. Then, in Amane-chan's mind, does that mean Erina is better at singing?"
"Eh?"
The logic felt like it had taken a sudden leap, and I let out a dumbfounded voice.
"Is it not? If Erina sings on Insta Live, she'll definitely get more views and praise than Amane-chan with zero followers, right?"
"...I see."
That's right. This world is one where numbers do the talking.
Yes, I was the one who decided that.
"That's... true."
"That's not it, is it!?"
As I lowered my eyes to admit defeat, Erina-chan's hands slapped against both my cheeks, sandwiching them and forcing me to look forward.
It hurt a little, but I thought it was a kind sort of pain.
"Erina is fine with that, okay? In Erina's world, that's fine. Erina is happy if lots of people watch and praise her. Being pampered is fine. PR offers come if the numbers go up. That feels amazing too! That's fine. But!!"
"Erina-chan..."
"But, for Amane-chan, it's different, isn't it? Was that what singing meant to you? Is that why you were singing?"
"But. ...But! If things stay like this, if I stay as I am, the band amane can't go anywhere. That's why—"
"I'm tell—ing—you! I'm not talking about that right now!"
She seemed considerably irritated as she raised her voice.
"Whether it's Takuto-kun, or Yuri, or Sakosh! That doesn't matter! It totally matters, but it also doesn't matter!"
And then, she questioned me once more.
It sounded very similar to the words someone had once thrown at Konuma-kun.
"Amane-chan, what are you singing for?"