* * *
I wonder if this is what the day after a heartbreak feels like.
The transparent morning sun shines sharply through the large classroom window, making me realize that the world has absolutely nothing to do with me.
...Wait, I'm acting like this is the first time, even though I actually just went through a real heartbreak recently. What am I even saying?
If I didn't come to school, it would look like I was bothered by it, and if I arrived right at the last second, Sako-hasu would probably think, "Yurisuke couldn't sleep..." After considering all that, I ended up arriving much earlier than usual.
That said, it wasn't like I had anything to do or anything I could do. I just spaced out in the classroom, greeting classmates as their numbers gradually increased, until—
"A-A-A-Azuma-senpai! Is Azuma Yuri-senpai here?!"
At the classroom entrance, a small animal-like figure was shouting my name with a bright red face.
"Tsubame...?"
"Ah! Shisho!!"
As I walked to the door, Tsubame Taira let out a sigh of relief. How cute is she?
However, she seemed to be in a panic, practically having sweat-marks fly around her face like in a manga as she spoke. "Shisho, Shisho, what should we do...!!" She was almost rhyming there.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
"Konuma-senpai has gone crazy...!"
"Crazy? Konuma?"
"No, no, it's not that he's gone insane! ...Well, maybe there is an aspect of that too...?"
She was arguing with herself. Did he really go crazy after all?
"A-Anyway! He's gone!"
"Where?"
"To... reclaim... himself?"
"...Seriously?"
"Eh, you understand that?"
In short, it means Konuma has reached his awakening moment.
"...Can you tell me more?"
"Um, um, where should I start...!"
While flustered, Tsubame explained the whole situation that had just occurred.
"—And then, when I asked him 'Are you satisfied with only changing your own life?', he said he was 'going to reclaim himself' and headed back toward Shin-Koganei..."
"That guy is such a protagonist..."
Pride, frustration, joy, and a sense of breathlessness—all these emotions flooded into my chest at once.
"Ah, but, since Konuma-senpai is in the same class as Amane-buchou, should I tell her instead...?"
"...No, it's fine. I'll pass it on."
"I see... Understood."
"Look, the first bell is going to ring. Get to your classroom, okay?"
"Yes...!"
As Tsubame headed toward the first-year classrooms, I went back into my room, grabbed my school bag, walked out, and started marching down the hallway.
Ignoring the ultimate school rule of 'no running in the hallways,' the tempo of my footsteps gradually increased.
By the time I left the school building, I ran into Sako-hasu, who was rubbing her sleepy eyes.
"Eh, Yurisuke, where are you going?"
"I'm leaving early!"
"Leaving early? You haven't even attended yet... Why would a school-lover like Yurisuke skip school?"
"I'm obviously super unhappy about it. Losing one of my precious school days is the worst. I'll lose my perfect attendance award... I even made sure not to catch a cold for that. But—"
Ah, seriously.
My weekdays are—
"I can't afford to skip out on my youth just so I don't skip out on school."
Flat, ordinary, and yet not peaceful at all.
"Haha, that's insane. I have no idea what you're talking about."
Sako-hasu gave a proper grin.
"If the teacher asks, tell them I—had a simultaneous onset of a cold, the flu, and acute gastroenteritis!"
"Also, Sako-hasu."
I thought about saying 'thanks,' but what came out of my mouth was—
"...Sorry for stealing your role!"
Using that as my starting signal, I took off running.
Ah, and Amane, sorry too!! (Though it's mostly your fault anyway!)
"Hah... hah... hah... hah...!"
I kept running, out of breath.
Hey, Konuma.
It took you quite a while this time, didn't it?
Without even pretending to write a new song, you obsessed over the one you already made, over and over.
I know.
—I'm surely the one who forced you into that state.
Because you tried to treasure my feelings, you couldn't move forward.
I've failed as a lyricist, and you've failed as a composer.
It took all this, even reaching the point of disbandment, for you to finally start moving.
It took being told this was the end, being forced to play your absolute final trump card, for this to happen.
But that's okay. That's how it should be.
If this is the final song, then you're allowed to pour everything out.
It's fine if you collapse right there. That's the strength of a final song.
If so, I want to be there at the moment that song is born, hear its first cry, and turn it into words.
I burst into Octa Studio in Kichijoji.
Wait, I didn't even consider for a second that he might have gone to a different studio. Is this the right place? My worries were unfounded, though.
"He's in Studio 5," the manager said, looking exasperated.
"Well, if I'm turning a blind eye to one person, I might as well do it for two..."
As I stepped into the soundproof room—
"No way...!"
My heart and soul felt like they were being scorched instantly by the suffocating, overwhelming heat of the room.
—Konuma was singing.
The usually soft-spoken boy was thrashing his guitar with a roaring sound, screaming words that weren't even a language anymore.
It was more than I could take.
That serious gaze was focused on only one single future.
That was why it was so powerful, so painful, and so agonizing.
I hurriedly pulled out my smartphone and tried to hit the record button.
—Through the blurred screen, I realized I was crying.
Because Konuma is trying to flip everything over.
Because he's putting his present, his future, and his entire self on the line to turn things around.
Because he's playing the sound that is most precious to me with enough force to swallow up my own resolve.
"Thank you, Konuma...!"
I can't take it anymore. Like this, it's all going to overflow.
As I stood there captivated by his blurred back, he finished playing an explosive A chord.
Then... he collapsed backward as if his strings had been cut.
"Eh, are you okay...?"
He didn't seem to hear my voice. Konuma stared at the ceiling with his eyes half-open.
"Ah..."
He was making a sound, so he seemed okay...?
As I timidly looked at his expression...
...Ah, I see. This isn't the kind of demo you can record by simply preparing and saying, "Okay, let's record.".
"Aaaaahhhhhhh...!!!"
No, you're regretting it way too much... I started feeling bad for him and spoke up.
"It's okay, I recorded it."
Then, I added in a whisper.
"...As if I could go without recording something like that."
Sigh.
There's really no helping him.
Regardless of whether we're dating or not, this person is playing his sound straight toward her.
I really can't compete, I thought.
But that's okay.
I should have realized much sooner that it was okay.
Whether I can compete or not has absolutely nothing to do with the reasons for falling in love.
This is my final declaration of defeat, my final bluff, and my final confession.
"As I thought, Konuma... you're coolest when you're running around for Amane's sake."
That's why I fell for you, you idiot.
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