“Today, I’ll head back from East-Koganei.”
“Yeah, I understand. ...See you tomorrow, then.”
“Yeah. ...See you tomorrow.”
The road home through the scent of fragrant olives. I just keep walking in the direction my feet remember.
I thought I would cry more.
I thought I would scream more.
Everything since I entered high school had been nothing but bad—no, there wasn’t even anything bad, just nothing—but in June of this year, I miraculously obtained something.
That something is about to meet its end, and it has already met its end.
I should understand it as a fact, but for some reason, the emotions aren’t surfacing.
It might be insensitive, but it’s like watching the news on TV.
The news that stores are closing one after another because of the weak yen, or that some great person overseas died of illness, or that there was a big accident.
If anything, my heart might be more moved by those.
...I suppose that makes sense.
This is an event more trivial than any of those news stories.
Surely today, dozens of nameless bands decided to disband or suspend their activities, and surely today, hundreds of couples had break-up talks.
Indeed, if I were the me from before June, I would have sneered at those whose hearts were moved by such things, calling them unproductive.
Know your place; what you were doing was only that much.
Before I knew it, I had reached the park near the curry shop ‘Sai no Tsuno’.
I feel like a lot happened in this park too.
“If you can have a high school life so fun that you think ‘I want to go back’ or ‘I want to go to high school again,’ isn’t that a huge success?”
That’s right. I was the one who said that here.
Then, isn’t this enough?
Because a miracle certainly happened.
‘Konuma-kun, can I have just one of your songs?’
‘Why do you say it’s not a big deal, Konuma-kun?’
‘Form a band with me and become a member of the Rock Club!’
‘I’m so happy... to have you sing my song like that... If it reached someone’s heart like that, I’m really glad I made it...’
‘Konuma-kun, shall we go home together tomorrow?’
‘Konuma-kun, what do you want to turn into music?’
‘Konuma-kun, you are my... idol.’
I made music together with amane, who was my starting point and my idol.
‘This year’s training camp was so much fun. Way more fun than last year. The happy things, the laughing... even the times I got annoyed increased a lot. That’s surely because you were here, Konuma-kun.’
‘Konuma-kun, shall we go do something now?’
‘It doesn’t fall! That’s good luck! I’ll go with that one!’
‘Until that day I met you, Konuma-kun, I was a ‘loner’ too.’
‘Because, for Konuma-kun, I want the ‘song you want to hear most in the world’ to always be my song! ...I don’t want to give that spot to anyone else.’
‘So, be prepared for the school festival, okay?’
‘...I love you too, Konuma Takuto.’
For a short while, I even became Ichikawa Amane’s boyfriend.
‘It’s fine if we just get used to it gradually, right? ...After all, we’re going to be together forever from now on. Right?’
‘I love you, Takuto-kun.’
‘Konuma-kun! It was so hard trying not to grin all day today!’
‘Welcome back, Konuma-kun. You were at the shop for a long time, huh? 16 minutes and 23 seconds!’
‘I hope you’ll think you love me all over again tomorrow morning too.’
I was given a youth I’d want to return to.
That alone is enough.
Actually, it’s more than enough. It’s too much.
In that case, I should run through until the last live.
Then, I’m sure I’ll feel at ease.
Once the last live is over, there will be no more memories to add.
Whether I like it or not, the clock will move forward, and the present will rapidly become the past.
Even this pain I’m holding onto so dearly now will surely fade bit by bit.
And someday, I won’t even feel lonely anymore.
...Ah, I see.
“Not being lonely anymore... is lonely.”
The voice that accidentally leaked out became the trigger. The thing that had been stuck between my throat and chest for so long began to surface, drop by drop, blurring, overflowing, and spilling, making stains one by one on the road.
I was supposed to have made sure not to expect anything.
I was supposed to have not expected anything from myself or others.
I was supposed to have known my place, given up, and walked while avoiding pain and wounds.
“Damn it...! Why...!”
Why does a heartbreak so ordinary in anyone’s eyes hurt this much? When unrequited love is more common anyway.
Why does a band disbanding, so ordinary in anyone’s eyes, feel this frustrating? When successful bands are fewer anyway.
Why is it so hard just because a dream didn’t come true, which is ordinary in anyone’s eyes? When dreams that come true are fewer anyway.
Does that mean I was expecting things from myself?
Does that mean I thought ‘maybe if it’s me’?
Does that mean I thought ‘maybe if it’s us’?
...Yes.
That’s what I thought.
I thought that we, and only we, would reach a future where everything went well.
“I was being conceited, wasn’t I...”
It was frustrating, and I couldn’t help it.
I no longer even knew what was painful; it became unbearable, and directly beneath my downcast face, dark stains rapidly spread.
“Damn it, damn it...!”
I clenched my lower lip so hard I felt like I might bite through it, trying somehow to suppress my trembling body.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it...!”
At that moment.
“Even though you tell people things like ‘don’t push yourself’ or ‘I’ll be by your side when it’s hard,’ you cry all alone when it’s your turn.”
A sweet voice softly tickled my ears.
“Takuto-kun really is Takuto-kun.”