“I see. So, that’s why I’ve always...!”
In the hallway where the afternoon sunlight streamed in, I suddenly came to a halt.
It felt as if my blurry vision from being half-asleep finally snapped into focus, forming a clear image.
“What’s wrong, Takuto-kun?”
“Sorry, Erina-san. ...It’s all for my own sake.”
“What do you mean?”
Erina-san tilted her head, pressing her long sleeves against her mouth.
It was no wonder she was confused. I had been talking selfishly for a while now.
But that 'selfishness' was exactly the answer I had reached.
It was the true nature of the haze I had been carrying since Hirosue’s recruitment offer—no, perhaps even before then. It was the faint sensation I felt this morning after my special training.
‘Well, do as you like. ...If you can still think the same way tomorrow morning, that is.’
And that was surely the reason why Kanno-san had snorted at me.
‘I play music for myself’ and ‘I live my life for myself.’ I should have been prepared and determined when I turned down Ariga-san’s proposal to be a ghostwriter back during the school festival.
Despite that, somewhere along the way, I had started thinking from a clever and arrogant position, as if I held some great cause, saying things like ‘it’s for the band’ or ‘it’s for someone else’s youth.’
But Erina-san’s words just now made me realize.
The story is much simpler.
I want to use the skills I learned and grew into yesterday for myself, and no one else.
And I am a member of amane. I’m not a member of any other band; I am a member of amane alone.
To put it even further, amane is my band. I’m not just being allowed to play drums in Ichikawa’s band, nor am I just having her sing my songs.
amane is my own band.
‘I’ve decided that all of my youth from now on will be dedicated to amane.’
I’m not doing music for Erina-san’s sake, but for my own. It just so happens that the destination of this message is directed toward Erina-san this time.
...If I said this out loud to Ichikawa, Sako, or Azuma, they might get mad at me.
“Erina-san, I—”
“Wait. That face... just wait a second.”
Interrupting me, Erina-san lightly pushed my chest with both hands and looked away.
While keeping her hands on my chest, her cheeks, turned away, were flushed red for some reason.
“...Takuto-kun, you’re about to say something, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah.”
In fact, Erina-san was the one who asked, “What do you mean?”
“You see... I’ve realized that whenever Takuto-kun tries to say something with that look on his face, Erina’s pace often gets completely thrown off...”
“What are you talking about?”
What is this? Am I being the dense one here?
“So, um, I’d kind of like you to stop...”
“Oh, I see...?”
“Yeah, exactly...”
Well, it’s not something I need to force her to hear. If I can just keep it as a personal discovery, that’s fine...
As I tried to swallow the words I was about to say, Erina-san kept glancing up at me with upturned eyes.
“By the way, what were you going to say...?”
“Huh?”
Is there a difference between me saying ‘what I was going to say’ and just saying it normally...?
“Just tell me.”
“Uh, well...”
I retraced the words that had been cut off and become blurred at the edges.
And then, I spoke.
“I just wanted to say that I’m making a song for Erina-san not for your sake, but for my own, so you don’t need to worry about it.”
“See! I told you so...!!”
Erina-san’s face turned even redder, and she pouted.
“I’m not saying it to be kind; it’s my honest feelings.”
“Why are you saying even more!?”
What does she mean by ‘even more’? Is she saying I’m piling it on?
“Nnnn...!! Fine, let’s just go to the shop!”
“Ah, about that, sorry.”
“There’s more!?”
Erina-san was glaring at me, and I felt bad since I had said I’d go to the shop with her, but now that I understood my true feelings, I had to tell her as soon as possible.
“There’s somewhere I need to go.”
“Where?”
“...To see a junior girl.”
“...Hah?”
Her expression shifted instantly into one of complete exasperation.
No, I really am sorry about not being able to go to the shop.