“Wait, Konuma-kun? The real one?”
“What do you mean, the real one...?”
“Whoa, it really is Konuma-kun’s voice...!”
Ichikawa let out a voice of disbelief. She was probably opening her eyes wide in shock on the other side of the phone. Am I some kind of radio personality or something?
“You don’t have to be that surprised...”
“B-But, you’ve never called me before, Konuma-kun...! What’s the occasion?”
Well, it’s true. I also thought about the fact that I had never called her before I dialed, and that was exactly why I hesitated and felt nervous. But being treated like some kind of rare phenomenon makes me feel a bit awkward.
“Um, we couldn't go home together today, right? So...”
“Are you trying to apologize? Saying you're sorry?”
I felt the presence of her smiling softly and gently through the phone.
“No, it’s not really about apologizing...”
“Eh, it’s not?”
That beautiful voice changed its tone rapidly.
“Saying I’m sorry feels a bit presumptuous... or rather, it bugs me that I’d be assuming you even wanted to go home with me in the first place...”
“Hmm...?”
“In short, um... I was the one who was disappointed. Personally.”
“Hau...!”
I heard the sound of a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the line.
“So, at least... um,”
I wanted to talk to you, even if it was just over the phone. In the brief moment I hesitated to say that embarrassing line—
“I-It’s okay now!”
Ichikawa cut in.
“Don’t say... any more than that...!”
“O-Oh...?”
With a voice that sounded like she was blushing furiously, Ichikawa pushed back my confusion.
“U-Um, you know, Konuma-kun? We’re in a very important period before the live show, okay? If we do things like this, look, we’ll get bad luck...!”
Doing things like this... was I about to do something that strange...?
“A-And anyway! Konuma-kun was the one who said we couldn't go home together! So it’s weird for you to say you were disappointed, isn’t it?”
“T-That’s true.”
She had a point...
“I wonder why this person suddenly gives me the full course at a time like this...”
Even so, I tilted my head at how unusually flustered she seemed.
For some reason, she didn't feel like the usual Ichikawa.
“Did something happen, Ichikawa?”
“...Yes, that’s right, I was Ichikawa.”
I felt the tension on the other side of the phone return to normal with a sniff. My apologies.
“So, did things go well with Sako-san and Erina-chan?”
She ignored my question of ‘Did something happen?’ and threw a question back at me instead.
“Yeah. Once we get ‘Charm’ recorded and hand it over, Erina-san will surely be okay.”
“I see. ‘Charm’ is a strong song, after all...”
Ichikawa muttered to herself emotionally.
“Strong? Not kind?”
“There’s kindness too, of course. But when I listen to that song, I feel like true kindness is something very strong.”
“I see...”
“It is, you know? If you don’t listen closely, you won’t hear the true feelings.”
“Man, I’m the one who composed it, though...”
Ichikawa laughed ‘ahaha’ at my grumbling.
“But either way, I’m glad it’s resolved. I guess all that’s left is to move full speed ahead toward the live show?”
“Yeah... though we’re only getting to move full speed ahead right before the event.”
“Ahaha, true.”
Ichikawa laughed a little at that, and then—
“Well then, I’m hanging up,” she said.
“Eh?”
There was no problem with ending the call, but it felt a bit sudden, so I let out a surprised voice.
“...Sorry. If we keep talking, I feel like I’ll go soft.”
I heard a troubled laugh from the other side.
“Go soft?”
“Practicing, making songs... I want to do those things properly. I want to be someone I can be proud of.”
Ichikawa explained each word carefully.
“Wanting to be together, wanting to talk more... if I drown in those emotions, sink, and melt... then eventually, you might get disillusioned with me.”
“I wouldn't...”
What is Ichikawa suddenly talking about?
Do I look like the type of person whose eyes would wander or whose heart would change easily?
“Of course, I don’t think you’re a flirt, Konuma-kun. ...Only a little bit.”
“Hey.”
“Ahaha, just kidding. ...But, you know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately that inertia is no good.”
Ichikawa’s voice wasn’t dark at all, but she spoke with a firm core.
“Maybe you’ve been choosing me until today. But that might just be because you’ve simply convinced yourself that you like me, right?”
I couldn't affirm or deny it, so I waited for her to continue with an ambiguous hum.
“It has to be to the point where, even if yesterday didn't exist and today was the very first day, you’d still think you truly like me. I have to be solid enough to allow myself to let you think that.”
“Is that so...?”
“That’s why I decided to live every day so I can hold my head high. Calling it ‘building things up’ sounds nice, but even if I had no past, I want to create my own tomorrow.”
“...I see.”
I suddenly remembered Ichikawa’s behavior recently and asked.
“Why did you decide to tell me that so clearly?”
“Clearly?”
At the music store in Kokubunji, on the way to school in the morning, at the Ichikawa house in the morning.
‘If you wake up tomorrow morning and think you don't like me, then at that time...’
‘...I was thinking it’d be nice if I were the first person Konuma-kun met that day.’
‘Even if yesterday was gone and today was the first day, I wonder if you’d think the me you saw first upon waking was special.’
I think Ichikawa has been trying to convey that with faint phrasing recently.
“You’ve been bothered by that lately, haven't you? But you always dodged it at the very end or made it hard to understand.”
“...I received some feelings.”
“Feelings?”
I furrowed my brows.
“Yeah, feelings! I’ll tell you about it someday! I don't know how many years it’ll take, though.”
“Oh...?”
“I mean, it’s the same for you too, Konuma-kun. You can't just live by inertia, okay? We’re going to be the strongest band, after all.”
As if to scold and encourage the still-confused me, Ichikawa raised her voice.
“Strongest, huh.”
For some reason, the word ‘strongest’ that Ichikawa always uses felt amusingly childish for her, and I laughed.
“Hey, Konuma-kun.”
Suddenly, a voice called me from my right ear.
“Can you give Amane just three seconds of your time from now on?”
“Sure...?”
Then, as if pouring all her thoughts into it, she whispered.
“I love you, Takuto-kun.”
I wonder why.
Those words didn't have a sweetness that made me lose consciousness; they tasted somewhat bittersweet instead.