I was pulled into the adjacent empty classroom by the fluffy girl.
“Wait, I want to go home.”
“Hey, hey, Sakosh, were you protecting Erina~?”
...She ignored me.
“...I wasn't particularly protecting you. If that story is true, you're just normally in the wrong.”
“Is that so~? Erina thinks it's scarier to be confessed to by someone she doesn't even remember~?”
It seems she's being serious. She tilted her head in a calculatedly cute way without showing a shred of remorse.
“No, even if that's the case, the other person probably gathered their courage to say it... Plus, he sits next to you, right? At least remember him.”
“See, that’s exactly what I don’t want to hear from Sakosh~”
The words from a few days ago flashed through my mind.
‘Eh, but Erina doesn't know the person sitting on the other side either~?’
‘I don't want to hear that from Sakosh, who didn't even know about Erina~’
Even so.
“...You and I are different.”
“What's different~?”
She asked while placing a finger on her lip. It was her usual calculated gesture.
“...If you just acted normally, people would like you. You have charm and cuteness, and you could be having a fun school life. Why do you go out of your way to do things that destroy that?”
“Ehehe, I got praised...”
The fluffy girl shyly fiddled with her fluffy hair.
“I’m not praising you. Seriously.”
“Then, you’re scolding me...”
Being pointed out like that made me realize, ‘I see, I was scolding this girl.’ For someone like me, this was quite meddlesome.
I shouldn't have the right to scold anyone. Who do I think I am?
Feeling disgusted with how deep I was getting involved, I decided to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible.
“...Anyway. I really didn't mean to protect you. I just don't want to see someone getting hurt and things becoming irreparable because of useless, careless words.”
“Hmm...”
Then, without irony or sarcasm.
“Sakosh, you're kind, aren't you~?”
This girl was purely describing me as ‘kind.’
I got goosebumps.
My body showed a strong rejection to being called ‘kind.’
...Any more than this would be bad.
“...I am absolutely not kind.”
Suppressing my voice as it threatened to tremble, I tried to leave the classroom.
Then, she grabbed my hand tightly to stop me.
“Wait a sec~”
“...Let go.”
“Why~?”
“Just let go!”
“Heh, you can make such a loud voice~”
Even as she said that, she didn't let go of my hand.
“I... I’m not the kind of person who should be getting friendly with someone like you.”
“How come?”
“Because I’m a terrible person...”
“Why do you call yourself terrible~...?”
This girl looked up at me with a sad expression.
No, I didn't want to make her make that kind of face.
“...I had a friend I was always close with. But because of jealousy, I rejected something that friend worked so hard to create. Since then, I haven't been able to talk to them, and so...”
I felt a sense of emptiness that the major incident of my life could be summarized in such short words.
“You couldn't apologize?”
I nodded slightly.
“I see... That must be painful~...”
“That's why I don't need friends anymore, I don't need connections with anyone. I don't have that right. I don't want to hurt anyone else anymore. So, no one needs to get close to me.”
“Is that the reason you went blonde~...?”
“Yes.”
Originally, I didn't go blonde to keep people away.
It was just that when I saw that girl in the school hallway, I felt disgusted that I had the same hairstyle. I just wanted to change my hair as quickly as possible, so I bought dye on the way home.
Immediately after dyeing it, the version of me reflected in the mirror was so pathetic it made me want to laugh—my lips curled up in self-derision.
I thought I was a fake. A sham.
No, rather, I felt like something even lower than that.
Something that should be ashamed to be alive, something that had no right to exist.
I thought this blonde hair, which didn't suit me at all, was a perfect fit as a brand for someone who had committed a sin.
And then, seeing the reactions of those around me when I went to school the next day, I understood.
No one would talk to someone so hopeless and aggressive-looking.
This way, I could avoid letting people get close.
I could avoid getting involved with anyone and hurting them.
That's what I thought.
“So why do you keep coming near me? Why do you keep bothering me? Persistently, over and over...”
As I squeezed out these words with my free hand clenched into a fist, she tilted her head.
“Well, for no particular reason, I guess?”
“...Hah?”
My voice went up at those ridiculous words. My brow furrowed.
“There's no reason for that~? I just felt like I wanted to talk to Sakosh, that's all.”
“Why go out of your way for someone blonde like me...”
“Ahaha, you're really obsessed with the blonde hair~? But you know, Sakosh.”
As I looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed about being called obsessed, she told me something straight and unexpected.
“Sakosh's blonde hair looked like it was saying, ‘Please find me.’”
“What are you talking about...?”
I unintentionally looked up. My lips trembled uncontrollably.
That’s the exact opposite.
“Eh? I'm not saying anything that strange~? Usually, people go blonde because they want to stand out. If you really just wanted to be hated, just pouting like you are now would be enough~”
As she said that, she made a playful, exaggerated pouting face again.
“But you know, as I said the other day, maybe because you were blonde, I was able to notice Sakosh. So, I’m glad. If I hadn't noticed, I wouldn't be able to feel this way about Sakosh~”
“Feel what way...?”
When I asked again, she laughed shyly.
“Ehehe. Erina already loves Sakosh very much now~”
I gasped.
I was lost for words.
I didn't even know if I was appalled, angry, or happy.
“Hey, hey, Sakosh? Just like you said, maybe it was a bad thing to say something mean to that friend or not being able to apologize.”
While I was overwhelmed and unable to process my massive emotions, she continued.
“But you know, if because of that, Sakosh stops those girls from badmouthing people or scolds Erina...”
She smiled with confidence, her voice firm yet soft.
“That means the current Sakosh is ‘kind.’”
“That's a lie, right...? I've done so many terrible things since a long time ago, and I've said mean things to you too...”
“It's not a lie! Because the mistakes Sakosh made in the past have nothing to do with Erina~!”
She puffed out her cheeks in a calculatedly cute way.
“Erina loves the current Sakosh who is here after everything that happened! That's all!”
Her hand gently squeezed mine again.
“B-but. You probably say ‘love’ to anyone, right...?”
“There's no way that's true~!”
I felt like I had said something incredibly lame, but she boldly denied it as if to paint over it.
“Even Erina's ‘love’ has a limit~. Because ‘loving’ or ‘adoring’ is actually a painful thing. It means entrusting your heart to someone and becoming unable to control it. ...It means creating a place in your heart that can't be filled by anyone but that person.”
“What are you suddenly saying...”
She started saying something quite deep.
“But, even so,”
She laughed cheerfully once more, as if to blow away any stray thoughts.
“Erina is saying she loves the current Sakosh~”
I can't trust the ‘love’ of a woman like this.
A woman like this scatters ‘love,’ ‘cute,’ and ‘precious’ onto everything.
It’s empty inside and doesn't add up to anything.
...But.
“I see...”
This person flips over all my regrets, failures, and mistakes—everything that has backfired.
‘Maybe because you were blonde, I was able to notice Sakosh. So, I’m glad.’
Even though I used the blonde hair to keep people away, she used it as a reason to get close.
‘That means the current Sakosh is ‘kind.’’
She calls my despicable, unerasable past the source of my kindness.
And, right in front of someone like me.
“Erina is so glad she entered Musashino International! Because I was able to meet Sakosh~!”
She is truly happy to have met me.
Even though she barely knows me, for a reason as flimsy as ‘just because.’
She is trying to validate my entire life up until now.
I get it.
As I thought, this person is.
“A stupid woman...”
“You called me a stupid woman again!?”
She laughed playfully as if she were angry.
To me, that smile—calculated yet not a lie—looked like a single ray of light shining into a dark, dark pit.
“Hey, hey, Sakosh, after being told all this, you're going to fall in love with Erina too, right~?”
She looked up at me with a mischievous smile. Even though she clearly already knows the answer.
There's no way I could ‘love’ a woman like this.
In the first place, I've never even said ‘I love you’ or ‘I adore you’ once, not even to *her*.
If I had to say it.
This person is the second friend in my life.
“...There's no way.”
“Ahaha, of course~!”
The stupid woman laughed, not appearing particularly disappointed.
“Ah. How are you going home, Sakosh? Erina is always rejected when she asks to go home together, so I'll go home a different way today~”
“...From Shin-Koganei.”
“Hmm, then Erina will take the school bus. Bye-bye~!”
She gently let go of my hand and took a step forward.
She stood in the hallway where light shone through the large windows after leaving the dark classroom, while I remained inside the dark room, unable to move.
Our hands were separated. Her back was turned as she prepared to leave after waving with a smile.
I wonder why.
I thought, ‘I don't want her to go.’
“...Erina.”
When I whispered her name, she suddenly spun around, her eyes wide.
“Sakosh, just now...!”
“T-that...”
Then, she laughed while tilting her head.
“...Yes?”
That smile was so bright it was still scary, so I looked down.
The rail of the classroom's sliding door caught my eye.
That gray line looked like some kind of boundary.
Is it okay to cross this?
Is it okay to get involved with someone?
Is it okay to be happy or sad?
Hesitating, lost, my feet wouldn't move.
“Sakosh.”
Her hand was gently reached out into my field of vision.
My hand trembled.
It’s still scary.
...But, maybe.
Manning all the courage I had, I tightly took that hand.
And the moment I looked up.
I gasped again.
A world of suffocatingly vibrant colors, bathed in light, spread out before me.
The deep green chalkboard in the classroom where white chalk stood out clearly.
The vivid green trees outside the hallway windows.
The clear blue sky visible through the gaps.
The glittering blonde hair stretching from my own head into my vision.
And, right in front of me.
Kiumi Erina, laughing with her beautiful pink-beige hair swaying.
“What's wrong, Sakosh?”
I nodded slightly and, finally.
I stepped over the silver line that should have been gray until just a moment ago.
There was a term ‘silver lining’ in the lyrics of some Western song. ...I wonder what that meant.
Well, whatever. I have to tell her something more important than that now.
“...Let's go home together, Erina.”
When I managed to say just that, she laughed innocently like an angel, and then mischievously like a little devil.
“Of course! ...Hey, hey, Sakosh, say my name again?”
“...Shut up, Erina.”