* * *
Even after I finished the call with Konuma-kun, I couldn't sleep for a while.
In the pitch-black room, only the faint sound of the second hand ticking echoed.
“Ehehe...”
A silly, soft laugh escaped my lips.
Along with it, a single tear of joy almost spilled over.
I quickly pulled the blanket over my head. I hugged the joy and the pounding of my heart tightly to keep them inside.
『That is a song only Ichikawa can sing.』
To think there was someone who would truly say those words to me.
『Hey, is the band more important than your lover?』
I'm sorry, Takuto-kun.
It’s not that I actually wanted you to answer that.
I just wanted to be a troublesome woman for a moment. I just wanted some attention. I just wanted to try saying the kind of words you often hear in dramas.
Instead of pinching my cheeks to see if the world I vaguely imagined and the future were actually becoming a reality, I just said it.
But you answered so seriously, saying “That’s right,” that it became funny... and I was so happy.
Because it made me clearly understand that it wasn't a lie.
Because it made me clearly understand that it wasn't a dream.
It was always like that.
The things I had given up on, the things I thought were impossible, he always picked them up and gently handed them back to me.
The first was my singing voice.
When I lost my voice, I thought I would never be able to sing my own songs for the rest of my life.
However.
『amane is my idol.』
『Let's definitely make it so you can sing again.』
He gave me the catalyst to take a step forward. He gave me the courage to step out.
And then, he gave me my singing voice once more.
The second was youth.
Without knowing love, without knowing friendship, without knowing youth, I thought I would just finish my high school life smoothly and without any trouble.
I thought I would never truly understand the reality of those emotions I heard in love songs or saw in dramas.
『Konuma-kun is my idol.』
But after meeting Konuma-kun, the world gained color.
I met everyone, and I became busy getting angry, laughing, and crying. My emotions overflowed and wouldn't stop, to the point where I couldn't handle them by myself anymore.
And then, he said something to me that felt like a dream.
『I am in love with Ichikawa Amane as a single, special girl.』
I learned of a love so great it couldn't fit inside my heart.
The third was the band.
I thought I couldn't create something with someone else, or compete with someone for the top spot, or perform together in the true sense of the word.
I thought that, in the very end, I was alone.
『A song that I, Takuto Konuma, created, with lyrics by Yuri Azuma, Sako Hasu on bass, and Ichikawa Amane singing—only then does it become this song for the first time.』
But he declared that the four of us were called a “band.”
『Right now, we've probably created the best song in the history of amane. A song that only I—no, only we—could make. I want to perform this live in a perfect state two weeks from now, no matter what.』
And then, he said that the future of the band was the most important thing to him.
I thought all of those things were things I could never take back, things I could never obtain.
I thought they were just delusions, fantasies, or illusions.
No.
I know a word that fits even better.
After Yuri wrote the lyrics for that song, I wondered why it was written in katakana, so I tried looking it up in a dictionary.
I thought at first it meant “competing in a race,” and maybe it meant being “strong.”
As I thought about how there were many different words, I found one among them that I hadn't known until then.
The meaning was: “Unrealistic and rambling ideas,” “Unconventional and disorganized thoughts.”
It was similar to the meaning of the word “dream,” and it was the name for the things I had wanted until then.
I, who didn't know how to wail, or how to scream, or how to say “stay by my side.”
The things I had actually wished for so much it was painful, the things I had thought of so intensely it was maddening.
The things I thought would never reach me.
And the things everyone turned into reality together.
Hey, maybe.
If it's with everyone, we might actually be able to make it come true.
Maybe it will stop being a delusion, or a fantasy, or an illusion.
Maybe the things we think about seriously can be made into reality.
In fact, surely, the biggest condition for making it a reality is...
Thinking about it so much it drives you crazy.
That's why I'm going to get serious once more.
I will wish so hard it hurts, think so much it's maddening, and reach out my hand.
“I want to make 'amane' the strongest band.”
This band that I've formed with those three people I love so much, I want it to be the strongest band.
Surely this is just me being overconfident.
But that's exactly why I'll say it. That's why I'll raise my voice and sing.
Wrapped in my blanket, pressing my face into my pillow, I sing a song to encourage myself.
* * *
My shoelaces came undone, I stepped on them and fell
I curled up and couldn't move anymore
That was probably not because of the scrape
But because I learned the pain of getting scraped
Scared of starting over, I sulked and acted spoiled
While I was moping, they went far away
I couldn't even reach my idols with my hands or feet
Before I knew it, I was in last place
Just as I was about to retire
I heard a powerful sound from somewhere
The true identity of that sound, keeping the rhythm and hitting the beat
Was the beating of my own heart
I don't have any confidence, I don't even know the definition
But I've decided now that I'll become the strongest
Don't wait for me
Because I'll be there right away
Just as I was about to lose my breath
I heard a powerful sound from somewhere
The true identity of that sound, like fireworks, like drums
Was the words you gave to me
I don't have any confidence, I don't know if I'll reach it
But I've already decided that I'll become the strongest
Don't wait for me
Because I'll go beyond that right away
Goodbye, the me that was sulking
Goodbye, the me that was acting spoiled
Goodbye, the me that was scared
Goodbye, the me that was losing
I'm glad you guys were there
I will play this song together with everything up until today
* * *
Then, I look up and look out the window.
After the strongest melody Konuma-kun wrote, and after the strongest lyrics Yuri wrote, I added just two more lines.
* * *
Look, look toward the direction of the dawn
Our Kyousou begins
* * *
It's not just my delusion anymore, it's not just my fantasy, it's not just my illusion.
I hope Sako-san, Yuri, and Konuma-kun are thinking similar things.
...Well, that's probably asking for too much.
But.
If I think about it intensely enough, maybe even that will come true.
Outside the window, the sky begins to turn white.
Look, the dawn has come.
Finally.
The Kyousou of the four of us begins.
* * *