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This is a story I still can’t tell Konuma-kun—it’s just between us.
Ever since I was little, I was the type of person who could do just about anything reasonably well. I think that was definitely true.
No matter the subject, I’d get close to a perfect score on tests, and I always got a 5 out of 5 for both art and music.
Even in PE, whether it was sprinting, a marathon, or swimming, I was always among the top in the rankings.
However, when it came to sports like soccer or basketball that required teamwork, I would suddenly become useless.
When the ball came to my hands (or feet), I couldn’t pass it. I only knew how to take the ball to the goal myself.
Until about elementary school, I could still perform to some extent, but once I got to middle school, there was no way I could break through people who actually belonged to those clubs using only individual strength. I simply became a below-average player.
To begin with, it wasn’t like I had any passion for anything, including sports, so it wasn’t exactly disappointing.
Looking back now, the thing I should have found most disappointing was the fact that I didn’t even find it disappointing.
Being someone who didn’t work hard at anything, I naturally became a member of the go-home club.
...Thinking about it now, it was probably also because no one ever invited me to join a club. It’s not like everyone else besides me was overflowing with motivation for something, though.
I encountered songwriting during the period when the time I spent alone started to increase. It all began when I casually picked up a guitar that was just sitting at home.
It’s not that I didn’t listen to music at all, but I wasn’t particularly knowledgeable about it either. I didn’t really have the idea of doing covers or copies. Once I learned a few easy-to-press chords like C or G, I would just arrange them in a way that sounded pleasant to my ears and hum a melody over them as an accompaniment.
At first, I barely realized that what I was doing was called 'composition.'
One day after school.
I realized I had forgotten something and went back to the classroom to find a girl named Yoshino Kaori-san from the Brass Band Club struggling with a guitar.
“Why is it only making such weird sounds...?”
As Yoshino-san groaned while scratching her head, I peeked at her hands and spoke up.
“Um, I think your finger placement might be wrong.”
...After all, Yoshino-san was reading the guitar chord book upside down.
“Eh, Amane-chan, you can play the guitar?”
I felt a little happy and embarrassed that a classmate I had almost never spoken to suddenly called me by my name.
“Ah, um, well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I can play it, but...”
“Really!? I want you to teach me!”
When I listened to her story, it turned out that the Brass Band Club was going to play Spitz’s 'Cherry,' and as a first-year who had been bumped from her original part, Yoshino-san ended up playing the guitar.
Since she couldn’t hear her own sound in the music room with an electric guitar (thinking back, I guess nobody realized that it wouldn't make a sound unless it was plugged into an amp), she was practicing in the classroom.
That song used only chords I happened to know, so I showed her how to press each one.
“Amazing! Amane-chan! Can you play any songs?”
“Hmm, I don’t know if I can say I can play one, but...”
With that disclaimer, I played the only song I could play at the time—the song I had written myself.
“Eh...!? That’s a really good song...! Whose song is that!?”
Seeing Yoshino-san’s eyes widen in surprise, I tilted my head.
“This is My Song, though...?”
I wondered if a song made for the first time by an amateur like me could really be a 'really good song'...
But when Yoshino-san spoke next, I realized something.
“Wait, is that the name of the song?”
I understood then. Most normal kids don't compose music.
“Y-Yeah. That’s the... name... of the song.”
That was close. I almost blurted out something weird again.
I almost created another rift between me and my classmates.
I somehow glossed over it and went back to the task of teaching her guitar chords.
That said, Yoshino-san had only been looking at the chord book upside down, so after a little instruction, she was able to play immediately.
In fact, since she already had more musical experience than someone like me, she was soon able to play better than I could.
At that time, I thought that no matter how much I could do things at an average level, if I didn't have passion, I wouldn't be able to excel at anything more than others.
And I also thought that if one just had passion, anyone could surpass my 'talent-like something.'
“Thank you, Amane-chan! Ah, it’s time, so I’m going to the ensemble practice!”
Yoshino-san said her thanks and went back to her Brass Band Club activities.
I couldn’t reach out, and I couldn’t say 'I want to be friends,' I just swallowed the situation.
After that, the song I wrote so that what I told Yoshino-san wouldn't be a lie was 'My Song.'
Of course, it was a song I made after thinking and reflecting on many things, but that was the catalyst.
I wanted someone to hear 'My Song,' which I had performed at home, so I sent the audio to something like an audition. That was the start. I got a call from a music company, and before I knew it, my debut was decided.
And so, I debuted, sang, released music, various things happened, and I lost my voice.
But the period I was debuted was too short, and none of my friends from middle school knew about it.
No, there’s no point in deceiving myself now.
It’s not that nobody knew because the debut period was short.
I didn't have a single friend I could tell when I debuted.
Even after entering high school following such a major setback for me, the situation remained almost entirely unchanged.
Of course, I wasn't ignored or treated poorly or anything like that.
I was just treated as 'someone somewhat alien' from a distance.
I could receive words like 'Amazing,' 'You're a genius,' or 'You have everything.'
But from my perspective, I didn’t know how to live in a sparkling world like her, and I thought that was the true talent.
I didn’t have a single friend I could talk to about anything.
Then one day.
I met Konuma-kun.
He knew about me, about amane. I learned that he hadn't talked to me because of that.
To be honest, at first, I didn't think it would be such a big decision or a significant encounter.
I just thought I'd make music with him because our interests aligned in a way.
But in the days that followed, through my life with him, I would come to realize something.
The time I spend with Konuma-kun makes me laugh, cry, gives me courage, and makes me cowardly more than anything before.
Every single event and action has meaning for me and shakes my heart every single time.
I didn't truly realize it myself, but until that day, it seems I was a 'loner.'
Because, you see.
I didn't know at all that the world was this colorful.
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