As soon as I got home, I kicked off my shoes and went straight to my room.
“Hey, Tak-kun! You should at least say ‘I’m home’!”
Yuzu called out to me while eating ice cream from outside the door I was about to close.
Actually, my little sister is always at home whenever I return. And she’s always eating ice cream.
“Yeah, I’m home, Yuzu.”
When I poked just my head out into the hallway to say that—
“Yep, welcome back, Tak-kun!”
She gave a bright, cheerful smile. She’s way too easy to please.
“Well then.”
“Oka~y, good luck! Oh, that’s right, both Dad and Mom are on a business trip today!”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Say ‘Yes’ only once!”
She really values proper greetings, doesn’t she? I’m sure she’d get along great with Azuma.
“...Ah.”
I pulled my body back into the room for a moment, then leaned my upper half out the door again.
“Yuzu!”
“Huh?”
To my sister who turned back to look at me—
“Thank you!”
I said that and slammed the door shut for real this time.
“...You’re welcome!”
Maybe to anyone else, I’m just someone who keeps piling up failure after failure.
‘But, Tak-kun, you’re not alone anymore, right?’
Thanks to Yuzu, I was able to make one more big mistake head-on and get scolded for it from the front.
‘If that’s the case, I’m sure someone will set you right. So, for now, just give it a try.’
Really, no matter how far I go, I’m always just receiving things from others.
“Alright, then, let’s do this.”
I booted up the computer.
I connected the guitar to the audio interface.
I put the headphones over my ears.
And then, I softly closed my eyes.
Now then, what should I do?
No, that’s wrong. What do I *want* to do?
I’m asking you, and no one else, Takuto Konuma.
‘Konuma-kun, what do you want to turn into music?’
That’s right. What do I want to turn into music?
First, I recall the time I made my very first song.
The day my heart was shaken by amane’s music, and I thought I wanted to make music too.
What was I thinking back then?
‘I want to be amane,’ ‘I want to surpass amane,’ ‘I want to make a better song than amane.’
No, I never thought anything like that, not even once.
I just wanted to make a good song, didn’t I?
‘...What is the definition of a good song?’
‘My Song’ is, of course, an amazing piece of music.
I feel like that song taught me almost everything important.
However. This might not go beyond the level of wordplay, but—
That is ‘Ichikawa’s Song.’
I will make the song that I myself want to make.
Then, what is the song I want to make the most?
‘Whether to make what you want to make, or make something that caters to the public.’
That kind of debate is crap. People who want to do that can keep at it for the rest of their lives.
The song I want to make the most is obviously ‘the song I want to hear most in the world.’
That’s exactly why the hurdle is so incredibly high.
After all, it needs to surpass ‘My Song.’
I, a huge fan of amane—no, a fanatic of amane—have to create a song that makes me want to listen to it more than ‘My Song.’
‘Then, why don’t you and Yuri just make a song that surpasses ‘My Song’?’
But I’m talking about the fact that I have no choice but to do exactly that.
I might not have talent like amane.
‘Erina probably isn’t Kenji’s type in terms of face or body, but that can’t be helped since she wasn’t born or raised that way, right?’
I might not be a genius who can make songs that everyone will like.
‘But you know, that doesn’t matter!’
Yeah, that doesn’t matter.
‘Because Erina loves Kenji!’
Because I still want to make a good song anyway.
Whether it’s ‘what one likes, one will do well,’ or just being a clumsy enthusiast, it doesn’t matter. Anything is fine, whatever works.
‘No matter what she does, Erina is going to become special to Kenji.’
No matter what I do, I will make the song I want to hear most in the world.
‘I don’t think talent is non-existent, but I think only a very few people can truly talk about it. I think a wall that you still can’t overcome even after practicing until you bleed every day and exhausting your heart and soul is what you call “talent.”’
That’s right. That’s too true.
Then, what have I done up until now?
If I’m seriously saying ‘no matter what I do,’ then it’s far too early to give up.
Why did I lose my sense of pitch at such an early stage? Stop being so conceited.
‘If you don’t reach your “longing,” you get anxious. It’s painful, and you feel like you’re going to lose. That’s probably why you became unable to make music, Takuto.’
Sako, I’m sorry. It wasn’t even something that positive.
‘Could you give me just one of your songs, Konuma-kun?’
Being wanted by Ichikawa—
‘So, Takuto-kun, won’t you cooperate?’
Being wanted by Erina-san—
‘But I’d be happy if at least Konuma remembers.’
Being wanted by Azuma—
‘I want to be by Takuto’s side forever. More than anyone else, more strongly than anyone else, that’s what I think.’
Being wanted by Sako.
Because of that, I had started to feel like things were fine just as they were.
The things that were precious to me kept increasing, and the things I didn't want to lose kept increasing.
And so, I kept becoming more and more of a coward.
I was afraid of changing. I was afraid of letting go. I was afraid of things ending.
Before I knew it, I just wanted to be immersed in this lukewarm happiness, soaking in it, dragging out the world endlessly and aimlessly like a book report trying to increase its word count.
Without noticing, I wasn't even reaching my hand out toward my 'longing' anymore.
But that’s not it, is it?
It wasn't like that when I first started making music, was it?
I wanted to use everything I had to somehow move 'someone.'
Just like how I was moved by amane’s music, how I cried, how I laughed, and how my life was changed.
I just thought about how amazing it would be if something I created could influence 'someone’s' life like that. Wasn't that all there was to it?
Don’t lose sight of it.
Don’t be scared.
Go and take it with everything you’ve got.
‘If you’re going to “reach out toward your longing,” you have to be this serious about it, Takuto.’
That’s right.
I’ll put my greatest wish into words.
I’ll put my greatest wish into sound.
‘Don’t turn your eyes away from your “true feelings,” Konuma.’
Say what you thought when you first heard amane’s music.
Who is that 'someone' you want to move?
Who is that 'someone' you want to move by letting them hear the song you want to hear most in the world?
‘Hey, is there even a single thing that only I can do?’
That’s right, for me—
“I want to make a song that changes the life of the amane who changed my life.”
In that moment.
Something resonated inside my headphones.
I was simply listening to the sound produced by my fingers, which were moving before I even knew it.
Before I could even think about what chord to play, my arm stroked the strings, vibrating my eardrums.
I didn't even know what chords they were anymore; I didn't even know if they followed music theory.
It was just that, without a doubt, my heart, my will, and I myself were being turned directly into sound.
That kind of music was being born.
It was my music, created with my whole heart and soul, to the point where I could think, ‘If this isn't good enough, then there’s nothing more I can do.’
I breathed life into every single part.
I re-recorded parts I wasn't satisfied with over many takes, one by one.
By the time I noticed, as usual, the morning sun was rising outside the window.
My hair and my T-shirt were soaking wet.
Well, that’s what happens when you work in the middle of the summer heat without turning on the air conditioning. Actually, heatstroke is dangerous. I need to drink some sports drink...
When I opened the window to let in even a little bit of a breeze, the sound of the cicadas rushed into the room.
“So noisy.”
When I muttered that—
“The noisy one is you, Takuto. What were you doing until morning?”
A blonde girl was leaning against the door.
“Huh? Sako, why are you here?”
“Takuto, you finished the song, didn’t you?”
It seemed Sako wasn't going to answer my question.
“Yeah, I finished it.”
“Let me hear it, Takuto.”
Sako reached out her right hand toward me.
“This time, I’m quite confident in it.”
I handed her the headphones.
“Of course you are,”
Sako said as she put the headphones over her ears.
“After making me do all that, it’d be the death penalty if you weren't.”
Confirming that Sako had the headphones on, I pressed the play button.
A few minutes, the length of one song, flowed by.
‘To be honest, amane? I thought it was a rip-off of that person and it sucked. Like, it was gross.’
I remembered the words Sako had said back when she had black hair, but even so, I wasn't shaken at all.
“To think that the word ‘confidence’ would ever come out of my mouth...”
While I was soaking in my own deep emotions while looking up at the ceiling, Sako took off the headphones.
“You know, Takuto...”
Sako showed a full, radiant smile.
“Are you perhaps a genius?”
To Sako, who asked with a rising intonation at the end—
“Of course,”
I replied with a grin.
“I am Takuto Konuma.”