◆Riran◆
I did it again. Gloom.
Sitting in the corner of my room with my knees hugged to my chest. I don't know how many times I've done this already.
Truthfully, I don't want to act like that toward Akito.
It would be so much easier if I could just be honest... but for some reason, when I'm in front of Akito, I can't be honest.
Back then, next to the gym, I managed to call him by his name in the heat of the moment.
But I get nervous when we touch directly.
I panic when I try to meet his eyes.
Lately, just being near him makes it impossible to suppress my "love."
That only makes it worse, and I become even less honest. It's a vicious cycle.
Compared to that, what about Hiyori or Anrakuji-san?
They're shamelessly making love appeals to Akito.
I'm so jealous of how honest those two are.
My heart sinks again at the difference between myself and them.
I happen to glance at the red thread on my left hand.
It stretches out straight, passing through the window glass and continuing further.
When I open the window and look ahead, it stretches toward a certain house.
This house I live in is a bit larger than typical houses thanks to Papa and Mama. So, even in a residential area, I can see quite a wide range.
And that over there is Akito's house. I've confirmed it, so there's no mistake.
But since the window to Akito's room faces a different direction, he can't see me from there.
This is my special seat, known only to me.
Leaning my elbows on the edge of the balcony, I gazed at Akito's house.
Akito and I are connected by the "Red Thread of Fate."
Being connected to the person I love... how happy does that make me?
I feel bad for Hiyori and Anrakuji-san, but... I will absolutely not give up this place. I have no intention of yielding.
Besides, I already know that Akito likes me too.
It makes me truly happy. I feel like I'm walking on air.
I want to say "I love you" right now, too, but... as I thought, it's just too embarrassing and I can't be honest.
I'm starting to hate this personality of mine.
And while I was struggling to measure the distance between us, Anrakuji Noa-san appeared.
When that girl clung to his arm, that idiot Akito... he didn't pull away.
In terms of closeness, she's probably even closer than Hiyori.
I wonder if it's the same sense of distance he has with Kotono-chan.
I hugged my favorite dog plushie that was nearby and buried my face in it.
"...Stupid."
If you like me, why do you act so unperturbed when that girl clings to you?
And... and! She even goes to his house! She even clings to him at home!
No matter how I think about it, that girl likes Akito!
And yet Akito hasn't noticed! He's the densest of the dense!
"Haa... I'm so childish..."
Precisely because I love him from the bottom of my heart, the possessive desire for him not to get along with anyone else erodes my mind.
Realizing that again makes my heart sink further.
Even though we're connected by a Dark Scarlet thread, one of only a few confirmed cases in the world, and even though I know Akito's feelings... I can't just accept it. I don't have enough room in my heart.
I panic from nervousness when we're together.
And the time we're not together is incredibly lonely.
Could it be that I'm... a troublesome woman?
What should I do? Thinking that makes me feel anxious.
Hiyori said it too.
Just because you're connected by a thread doesn't necessarily mean you'll fall in love, or something like that.
Doesn't that mean, conversely, the possibility of being hated isn't zero either...?
Right after thinking that, I reflexively called Rion.
"Hello. Riran-chan, what's wrong?"
"Hey, am I perhaps a troublesome woman?"
"Th-That's abrupt... calm down and talk to me. I'll listen to everything."
Ugh. She's too kind... she's a best friend I don't deserve.
Bit by bit, I poured out my feelings.
Midway through, I even stopped understanding what I was saying myself.
But Rion just quietly gave me occasional acknowledgments.
Then, after I finished saying everything, I heard Rion's voice sensing the end through the smartphone.
"I think it's quite normal, isn't it?"
"Really...?"
"Yes. The person you love, love so much you can't stand it, is flirting with another girl. We aren't mature enough to be able to look at that with detachment."
I wonder how Rion can look at things so objectively.
From my perspective, even though we're the same age, she seems so much like an adult.
"It's fine to be a nuisance. Causing trouble, having trouble caused to you. Laughing, crying, fighting, making up... that's how people truly become close."
"............"
"...Riran-chan, are you listening?"
"...Rion, you're starting to look like an Apostle of Love."
"Fufu. That's not bad. Though it's all just repeating what my mother said."
"What's with that?"
Ah... talking made me feel a bit better.
That day, forgetting that school was tomorrow, I continued the phone call until late at night.